Random Update…

In the last post I said I’d comment about the second story we heard at the AA reunion a few weeks ago… however, I believe that this story is charged of VERY STRONG experiences that some of you may not be able to stand. So, for this reason I’ll not keep my promise and instead will give you a personal update of the last few weeks…

So a month ago I was pretty excited about this Leadership seminar with Mr. Erhard, and upon completion of the course I was commited with myself to make a real change in my life. At that time I was experiencing my “Leadership Crucible”, that is, I was just finishing the master, finding it extremely difficult to find a job overseas and at my home country, struggling emotionally after my ex decided to end a 8 year’s relationship, being ALMOST completely broke after spending most of my money for tuition fees and in an engagement ring, and being a bit confused about the my career objectives.  For the first few weeks everything worked just find, that 0ne-week-leadership conditioning really stuck in my mind, and it affected every aspect of my life. At that moment I knew that within the “Realm of Possiblities” I could make anything happen in my professional life. Emotionally, however devasteded I was, I knew that it would be a matter of time until I’d find peace of mind and a valuable person to share my life. The possibilities seemed endless.

Almost two months have passed by, and I have began to loose control of it. I must say, it is EXTREMELY hard to keep the mood up and the positive attitude up and running. Despite every effort done in the professional side, opportunities seem limited still, perhaps because of current economic times. On the emotional, well, things at least are not that bad, decided to “complete” the cicle of that relationship  and sent her the letter I wrote at the Rotterdam Seminar. I did not believe -in the beginning- that it could actually help. But it turns out that it does, so much so, that almost overnight I felt like if I had dropped an enormous baggage that I was carrying on my back. Can’t deny that sometimes doubts still come to mind -specially if you consider that I was about to propose-, but as quick as these thoughts come, the quicker I react  not let myself be prey of them.

Just today that I was thinking about these facts, I read a book that mentions why we humans tend to fall back when making a change. The reason: Our Peer Group. Turns out that we humans LOVE comfort and dont really push ourselves to have a breakthrough that involves effort and discomfort. Sometimes however, we may get excited about something and fight for a while in order to accomplish our objectives -our change in this case- but when things  get difficult – we get out of our confort zone- we rationalize and lie to ourselves saying that we were better off  before. This is a critical point where the support of your peer group can make a difference, if it is comprised of people who also don’t like discomfort, they will support and encourage you to go back to your previous “way of being” for the fear of losing you. If your peer group is comprised of people for whom constant development is their life style and who are playing at the best level in their lifes, they will push you for good, until you have the breakthrough that you need in order to grow in certain aspect of your life.

I wish I could say that I surrounded myself with these kind of people… however that is not true… perhaps this fact contributes to experience this time lapse in my life as a really hard and stressful one. But as Werner also says, it is time to bear all of these difficulties and learn to be in control when being out of control…. lets see how it goes.. 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Random Update…

  1. Hola, y como estas?

    I guess it seems we were in the same room for a week in Rotterdam and never met.

    It was very interesting to read your last post about the seminar and the apparent feeling that you have lost some of the enthusiasm that you felt immediately afterward.

    I just wanted to tell you that we may have had somewhat similar experiences, except that I probably went into the seminar with a few doubts about the way my professional and personal lives were going. I came home with all the intentions of making them so much better, thanks to the belief that my realm of opportunities had been opened to ideas that I had never considered before.

    The difference, however, may have come precisely because of the people I came home to, who were good people who could tell that I was not the same as before. They simply pointed this out and spoke to me very plainly about it. I found this very helpful, and I am grateful to those family and friends that held integrity with me by telling me the truth about their discomfort with the changes they saw in me.

    I cannot say whether things will be better if I keep my life the way it was, or whether I should have gone ahead with some of the life-altering changes I was thinking of making immediately after the seminar. What I do know is that I am keeping integrity with myself and those who care for me. And no matter what the other events in life may bring me in the immediate days to come, I am glad about that.

    I have written about the seminar and other events in my travels at http://eddiecarr.blogspot.com/

    Take care,

    Edward Carr

  2. Hola Eloy,

    I read your blog after I received an e-mail from my husband suggesting me to visit your blog.

    I am very intrigued about this Jensen Seminar you and my husband attended last summer at Rotterdam.

    We had 17 years of marriage, and like any other marriage struggling with all the aspects in a marriage of that long can struggle with.

    Well, for me and for all of our family and friends it was a huge disappointment to discover how negatively affected my husband was when came back from the seminar. His ideas of changing his life was completely opposite or what he says he thinks and believes. Like any other human being my husband is not perfect, but his created future involving another woman from Rotterdam, of course a divorce sooner or later, and single European style of life for him and this new love, etc.

    The problem with that idea was:

    1. He was married when he decide to start an “innocent friendship” with this 25 year old woman, knowing the strong physical and spiritual attraction he felt for her. Of course she never knew his sincere intentions. So he started this created future based in hiding his thoughts and desires. How honest is this attitude?
    2. He decided to not express his real feelings for her until our marriage falls with a big fight so he could have a good excuse to file for divorce (This is according to his own words). I don’t see even a hint of authenticity here.
    3. He went there with all his family supporting him, not only from me, his wife, but also his parents. Then he uses this new “Knowledge” to satisfy his own personal ego.

    I had the opportunity to talk with a European woman who also attended the Jensen Seminar in Rotterdam, but also attended several times before this landmark oriented kind of seminars. She confessed to me that she had 3 different marriages. Her first one finished because she fell in love with her husband’s cousin, then she divorce him because she fall in love with another guy, and now she has a long relationship with her partner.

    So my conclusions are:
    1. The Jensen Seminar and especially Mr. Erhard, uses this emotional manipulation as an effective marketing tool. He makes participants feel free of his own burdens, making them confess (with out any consideration to their loved ones). The participant feeling free of guilt, and seeing this fantasy of all doors open to do whatever they want or desire, makes them to achieve a high emotional state, (like a drug, alcohol or pornography, causing some production in the brain that make you feel some kind of pleasure).

    Later the participant returns to the real life, with or without big confessions, and the “high” started to fade. What happen with all I learned in the seminar, with all I felt, with all that passion for my own honest and noble goal for my life? The participant sooner or later will go back to this kind of seminar to find that “High” again and again, making these people very successful in their business (Of course at that time the participant become addicted to the Jensen Seminar). I don’t want to say that the whole seminar was a waste of time and money. But I can see very clear that Mr. Erhard knows exactly what to do to make his business a success.

    2. Every participant must be warned not to take any big decision until at least 30 days after the seminar. The participant must keep this new knowledge to the professional field and do not involve any emotional weaknesses or uncomfortable feelings about their own life. I think it is very difficult to make other people who didn’t attend the seminar; like a wife, daughters, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, brother, etc, to try to understand these new sudden changes when they didn’t have the opportunity to attend the seminar.
    3. Don’t let anybody brainwash you.
    4. If you really believe in “your creative future” and that new future is going to be the best for you do not hesitate to continue with your plans. But if it doesn’t work don’t blame anybody, not even your self.

    I really don’t know details about your case but I read about other people cases are similar and worse than that of my husband’s.

    My husband and I are still thinking about a possible divorce. He says he wants to work hard to save our marriage but I feel so tired of trying. I personally doubt about my capacity to forgive and forget. After 17 years of marriage you try uncountable times to forgive and forget until another event hits you, and then you get clueless again, the hopes are not there anymore, the unexpectable invade your system, you get confused not knowing what to think or do, you find yourself in a position you don’t want for you or for anybody.

    I had been very difficult for me to understand what my husband really wants, and how sincere, honest and authentic he can be. Not only now after the seminar but way before.

    The other facts attached at my husband case are his health. He is diabetic, but he refused to exercise regularly. He is taking drugs and but he is not very careful for what he eats. He is overweight (5’11” and 224 lbs.)

    He is also taking anti-depressing and anxiety drugs. I have to admit he is trying and not only now, because he just came back from the Jensen Seminar, he has started several times in the past to get healthier but he is not very consistent. Unfortunately this attitude is reflected also in his career, and the whole mess it became a cycle that is driving him and the whole family in a very sad situation.
    Beside his health, he also was diagnosed with ADD 4 years ago, (a mental condition which had been playing a big roll in his lack of achievement)

    Please don’t take me wrong. I admit I have a lot of defects too. Some of them also had been contributing with my husband bad attitude, but I have also knowledge from my in-laws about his childhood, teenage years and college time and his attitude is very similar. His romantic relationships weren’t very long, until the last one before our marriage that sends him to his first depression state as an adult.

    Based on all these facts and doubts it is difficult to say with certainty what is going to happen in our marriage.

    I am giving you all these details so you can compare.

    I hope everything gets better for you soon. And look for any kind of help, find friends to talk about it, maybe a psychologist or counselor can help, go to the internet and read about tips how to come out from the black hole you feel you are falling. I think writing in your blog about it’s not only a good idea but also it helps other people to understand we are not alone. So keep going and do not quit.

    Regards,
    Nova

    • Hi Norka,

      First of all let me thank you for your kind and deep comment. It’s been a while since I haven’t “dwelled” in these issues, but your comments somehow spiked a renewed interest in this particular aspect of the seminar.

      At the time I wrote those entries, I had just arrived in Mexico –just before Jensen’s Seminar- pretty disillusioned and depressed because I found out that the woman I wanted to marry started dating some other guy long ago, before telling me anything, or at least, before persuading me to avoid buying the engagement ring. So in this sense I can totally relate with you and your situation. It is truly difficult when you are the one that has to withstand the changes in personality, the lies and, on top of that, the use of irrational explanations with the aim of justifying selfish behaviors –through religion in her case-. It hurts deeply, specially, when you are demonstrating true commitment, love, trust and dependability to the other person. I can imagine that these same struggles must be really hard to face in a marriage where there are several other issues and persons involved.

      It’s kind of difficult to address some of your points, however. Personally, I was very excited –yet very skeptical- about this seminar, given that I had read some material warning about this type of seminars –due to the emotional manipulation that you mention-. I must say that overall, the seminar contained some pretty useful ideas and some heavy philosophical –ontological- ideas that needed a lot of thinking effort just to begin to comprehend. What I found, after thinking through this for around 2 months, is that the ideas and information presented at the seminar are, in some way, like some of the ideas presented by religions. It might not be the most suitable comparison, but what I mean is that, in both cases you’re presented with some existential ideas that provide guidelines to answer very fundamental questions What am I doing here? Where do I go? How can I live life to my best?. In essence, I’ve noticed that people see in these materials what they want to see, or what best fits their worldview at some point in time. So you have two persons reading the same bible text –or some other religious, philosophical material- and you can get VERY different interpretations.

      I deeply believe that one MUST NOT DEPEND on others’ worldviews or frameworks. It is interesting however to be exposed to such “FRAMES” as an opportunity to learn vicariously and take in the POSITIVE aspects of such experiences, views. In doing so, I consider that people must be very careful to do so with intellectual, emotional & social maturity. And here I must disagree with you, because I believe, whichever outcome you get by changing you actions/behaviors as a result of such learning experiences (by pursuing your creative future), YOU are the only responsible for them, otherwise you’ll never get the develop your maturity and will always find someone/something to blame.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is that, for me the seminar was an interesting learning experience and that I approached it in a very inquisitive and open minded way. Personally, I can say that it was beneficial in that I learned useful things that I’m integrating in my social interactions at my work, (finally found one!) and at a more personal level, I has helped me to become aware of the intentions/motivations that drive people, and then perhaps being able to be a facilitator for them. As for my emotional turbulence, I’m happy to say that I’m overcoming that experience day by day, not easy though, but achievable. Friends, family, a psychologist and my job have certainly helped me to do so.

      I wish with all my heart that you both are able to solve this issue and that whichever solution you find is in the best interest of you family and of yourselves.
      Thank you so much for your interest and encouragement 🙂

      Warm Regards

  3. Dear Eloy,

    Thank you very much for you sincere answer.
    I am happy to know you are learning to balance your life after your post Jenser Seminar experiences.

    I wish you the best.

    Regards,

    Nova

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